We love to reminisce about the amazing meals we’ve enjoyed but what about the meals that we wish we’d never eaten? Here are my top 5 meal fails:
5. Fritz sandwich with ant sauce
One day when I was in primary school, my mum made me a fritz sandwich for lunch as a treat. Unfortunately some ants got into my lunchbox somehow so when I took a bite I got a mouthful of formic acid. Bleaurgh.
4 Chicken Caesar salad with a side of awkward
In the late 90s I went out for lunch with a female colleague to a cafe near our work place. After I’d ordered a Chicken Caesar Salad, I realised that the guy I’d made out with the previous week was sitting three tables over with another female colleague and they were on a date. That was a fun lunch.
3 Vanilla milkshake surprise
When I visited New York with a friend in 2002, we decided we had to eat at Tom’s Restaurant which we knew from its regular appearances on Seinfield. I ordered a full breakfast while my friend ordered a vanilla milkshake. When she got to the bottom of her ‘shake she discovered a long, black curly hair – I’m talking 10cms long (relaxed) and 15cm long (extended). It was utterly, utterly revolting.
2 Degustation date disaster
To celebrate an important anniversary I once booked a romantic dinner at a fancy restaurant. Unfortunately my date and I started fighting during the first course of our eight course degustation and it only went downhill from there. We should have called time and walked out but degustation is like a roller-coaster ride — once you get on, you can’t get off — so we stuck it out to the bitter end. We were surrounded by loved-up couples, too, which made our dining experience all the more excruciating.
1 Champagne seafood buffet tsunami
When I lived in Shanghai my partner and I would occasionally meet a group of friends for a completely over the top, 4-hour champagne seafood brunch at a 5-star hotel. One day I must have eaten a bad oyster because half an hour after leaving the hotel I was struck with the worst case of food poisoning I’ve ever had – think full-scale horror movie and then take it up a notch. I suffered PTMS (Post Traumatic Meal Syndrome) for months afterwards.
